A friend of mine, Brian, was telling me about his latest conquest recently. He described the lady in question as an investment. “Investment? Care to explain to me?” So he did. He told me he was done dating ‘just for the fun of it’, that he was looking for a woman who will be a mother for his kids, a daughter to his parents and a best friend. In his own (uncharacteristically sentimental) words:
“Like, if moms or pops were to have a conversation with her, she would respond like my sister would. You know… polite and shit. Umuntu ozothile.”
This is a gross generalisation but a fair amount guys Brian’s age have a grasp of romance that begins and ends with chasing after anything with a pulse. So… investment, huh? You see something with potential, get a piece of it and wait for it to live up to its potential so you can reap the benefits. In his waiting for his investment to bear fruit, so to speak, would Brian remain single? “Nope. I’ll just keep it on the low.” God forbid this lady goes and lives her life. Horror.
That’s just the kicker, isn’t it? Men want to have their fun with so-called unchaste girls but expect to have that one lady waiting, chaste, and marriage-ready. I don’t understand. You can’t sleep around AND call women sluts. We’re not waiting for you. We’re not living for you. I am not defined by you slipping a ring on my finger. Now, I’m not saying men should not have a standards.But women don’t approach settling down with a picture of a virginal, baggage-free man with a clean slate in mind. In fact, I find we’re very accommodating. We’re living in a world of double standards. What’s good for the goose is apparently not good enough for the gander.
Zama Nzimande (@Zam_Nzimande)