I remember Mandy Angel Mbense looking at me in surprise when I told her that the only reason I’m studying Accounting Sciences is because I didn’t really have any other options (or talents, if I’m honest) and that I was only doing it for the money. I lied.
I genuinely enjoy sitting at my desk for hours and solving problems. I love numbers. I love making sense of things. I love a-ha moments. I love being part of a team and accomplishing tasks.
Studying this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I call my parents & boyfriend in tears ALL the time, saying “I can’t do this!” I’m realising the only reason I felt that way was because I was working towards marks & averages, not towards understanding the work. I would spend hours memorising theories and shortcuts instead of asking “Why is this being done this way?”
I’m going to confess to not being as “clever” as I was at PMB GHS. I left high school with a 96% in Accounting but can’t even scrape together a 69% at Tuks. It took me so long to understand that I was now studying this subject in detail. It is going be my 9-5. I need to know what I’m doing, not “look” good at doing it. I’ve yet to fail a module, but cannot say I truly know what I’m doing.
I’m also going to confess to being acutely aware that for myself and the majority of my high school peers, this is Final Year. All eyes are on us to don graduation gowns and hats and update/tweet “DEGREE COMPLETED :)”. Make no mistake: all eyes are on us. There are people waiting to talk about how so-and-so should be graduating. Reality is, many of us are going to be the subject of these conversations.
Look, I don’t mean to preach. I just want you guys to know that this is what I’m going through. You might relate, you might not. I was ready to give up. Mpilonhle Li Mkhize knows this. Xoliswa Nzimande knows too. Kade ngibatetemela.
Lalela. I’m not leaving here without my degrees, no matter how long it takes. No matter what anyone says. People will always talk. You might be scared of falling behind your friends. Life is like that. But don’t stop working towards your heart’s desires.
“Always keep walking. Maybe slowly, but never backwards.”